How to Follow Up On a Job Application

How to Follow Up On a Job Application How to Follow Up On a Job ApplicationJuly 4, 2019 By Pauline Delaney Reviewed by Mark Slack, CPRWJob seekers often make one fatal mistake in their job hunt they forget to follow up on their job applications. But by not following up on them,you mightmiss out on a great opportunity Build My Resume NowWhen to follow up on a job applicationJust because you havent heard back doesnt mean you arent right for the job. Perhaps the hiring manageris inundated with resumes, or maybe they just forgot.If it has been a week or more since you sent an application and youve yet to hear back, consider getting in touch.Table of ContentsFollow upby emailleleFree email sampleFollow up over the phoneOnce you get this anxious about hearing back from a company, call or send an email.How to follow up on a job applicationThe question remains should you email or should you call? This is a difficult choice because different hiring managers might have different expectation s, companies might have different cultures, or your personality might not suit one of these choices.The decision is yours, so here is how to do both.EmailWriting anemailhas some clear benefits as well as drawbacksProsConsEasiest of all the options (as youve probably emailed the company before anyway)Can look like you arent putting forward as much effort as you couldQuickest to write and fastest way of getting in touch with an interviewerMay look informal to some interviewers or hiring managersfruchtwein reliable way to make aya your follow up is seenEasy to overlook mistakes and send without revising completelySample Email and Writing GuideEmail Addresshiringmanagerresumegenius.comSubject Line Pauline Delaney Just checking on my application 1/21/2018Dear Mr. Johnson,I am just writing to ascertain the status of the application I filed with ResumeGenius.com on January 14, 2018. Your job posting directed me to send it to this email address, so I wanted to ensure that it hadnt ended up in your spam inbox by mistake.On the job posting, your company listed a need for skills ranging from strong communication and writing to developing a strong network of industry contacts. ansicht are just a few of the relevant skills Ive developed in my years as a writer and career advisor, and I feel Id be a wonderful fit for the position.My experience as a hiring manager at Resume Companionhas equipped me with great insight into not only how potential employees should approach the job search, but also what HR specialists are looking for. During my time at Resume Companion, I received 750+ resumesandconducted over 60 interviews. This high volume of exposure to applicants taught me the difference between prepared and competent candidates versus those who werent as strong.I am familiar and comfortable with much of what your how to write a resume already outlines. Indeed, I was instrumental in puttingResume Companions writing guide together, covering much of the same content.I very mu ch look forward to hearing back from youat your earliest convenience. I am positive I would be a great addition to your gruppe and am excited at the prospect of joining you. Thank you again for your time and consideration.Sincerely,Pauline DelaneyHow to write your own emailSubject lineBe sure this is snappy and attention grabbing but also professional and related to your message.Re-introductionRe-introduce yourself and inquire about your application status.Summary of key points of cover letter and job postingRehash some of the info youve sent before. Remember to specify why youre the best fit.Polite conclusion expecting to hear backAsk them to write back, even if they decide not to invite you to an interview. That way you can cross their company off the list and move on to the next in earnest.Also rememberKeep your font to no larger than 12 point and no smaller than 10 point.Use a professional font, such as Arial, Times New Roman, or Verdana. Comic Sans is forbiddenAvoid anything be sides black text emojis, florescent colors, highlighting, and all caps are tackyBrevity is fine, but you should write more than one or two lines TipWhen writing a subject line in your email, be direct and clear state the purpose of the email. Last, make sure to include your namePhone CallMaking a phone call is a little more assertive, but that isnt necessarily a bad thing. Here are a few pros and cons of making a phone callProsConsInterviewer can hear your voiceCan be kind of awkwardComes across as direct and confidentInterviewer might not be availableShows effortIf not available, difficult to know when and if to call backRememberIf you can, ask for the hiring manager by name. Do your research. If you dont have their name, ask for the hiring manager.Be friendly.Identify yourself straight away. State your name and then your purpose (in this case, calling to check on an application).Avoid word vomit. Youll likely be anxious and get a bit tongue-tied. But, be measured, wait for them t o finish speaking, and dont hog the conversation.Call at convenient times. Morning or mid-afternoon are best. Dont call at 459 p.m.If it helps, prepare a script. But, avoid reading directly from it. Think of it as notes.If the hiring manager or interviewer isnt available, leave a message and dont call back for at least a day or two. TipIf the manager isnt there, instead of calling back, consider writing anemail and stating you called. Youll get credit for having made the call and your message is sure to get to the interviewer.Not what youre looking for? TryThank You Letter After an InterviewHow to Decline a Job OfferFollow Up After an Interview

Are Strapless Tops Ever OK At Work Turns Out, The Internet Has Some Strong Opinions

Are Strapless Tops Ever OK At Work Turns Out, The Internet Has Some Strong Opinions What counts as appropriate workplace attire has changed pretty drastically through the years. And each individual elend to mention each HR department and office in general probably has a different idea of what clothing is fine to wear in the office and what is definitely not.One FGBer, who also specified that her office is very casual, reached out to the FGB Community to ask whether or not its acceptable to jupe a strapless top in the workplace. And women had some pretty strong opinions on the matter.The majority of the over 50 women who responded to the deutsche bundespost felt that strapless tops are a no-go in the office no exceptions. The above FGBer, for instance, doesnt think strapless shirts should be worn at work, ever. Other women in the FGB Community, who said they also have more conservative approaches to workwear, weighed in similarly, saying that strapless tops could show too much clea vage or accidentally fall down on you while youre in the office.Other women, however, felt strapless could be appropriate if you styled it right.One woman in the FGB Community suggested wearing a cardigan over the strapless top. A blazer or a jacket of some kind could also work so long as your shoulders are covered, these FGBers said, professionalism would be maintained.When in doubt, one FGBer suggested, check to see if other people in your office wear strapless tops.Another FGBer recommended gauging others clothes to see if a strapless top would feel appropriate. This is good advice all offices are different, after all, and if you work for a more modern company, strapless tops might be completely normal.And if youre really concerned, ask HR first.One FGBer recommended checking with HR before wearing something that could be too risque. HR is supposed to help you with questions like this, and it could be an easy solution to this wardrobe question.What else could be deemed inapprop riate in the workplace?1. Crop topsMost workplaces probably prefer that your stomach isnt hanging out in the middle of an office meeting. Crop tops are cute and casual at happy hour, but theyre probably not OK on a conference call.2. Jean shortsThese are also way too casual for an office job. In a more relaxed environment, shorts of a different material that arent *too* short could be worn in the summer. But jean shorts are likely a no. Again, every workplace is different, so feel it out or check with HR before you rock your favorite pair of jorts.3. Workout clothesA lot of more modern offices allow their employees to wear workout clothes, which is completely fine. But its not a good idea to assume your office will allow it. You should probably assume they wont, and if you see a few people rocking leggings and dry-fit tanks, then go for it4. Flip-flopsYou can definitely rock a nice pair of sandals in the summer you should never be expected to wear heels every single day, regardless of how formal your office is. But flip flops are 100% out. Flip flops are for schwimmbecken and beach settings and dont belong anywhere near the office.5. Graphic clothing with inappropriate wordingThis should be obvious, but there are a lot of t-shirts out there with some pretty racy sayings printed loud and proud. Save those for your nights and weekends, as you never want to wear anything that could be viewed as offensive when youre in the office.For all other workplace wardrobe questions, reach out to the FGB Community to get advice from FGBers everywhere.

The War Against Best Rated Resume Writing Service Dallas

The War Against Best Rated Resume Writing Service Dallas The Pain of Best Rated Resume Writing Service Dallas Our research paper writing assistance includes many advantages Writing a letter to him is frequently an amazing approach for the reason that it enables you time to gather your ideas and express them in a sense thats non-confrontational. To delight in a flawless interview, applicants should be ready to answer various types of questions. You might even miss your fantasy job because of shoddy work. If you opt to create the choice on your own, youre risking a lot. For some of them you will require help, while others its possible to write by yourself. You require assistance with making a resume. What Best Rated Resume Writing Service Dallas Is - and What it Is Not Hr services providing you the expert identity you have earned. The major job of a network administrator is to produce and manage networks be it a little thing or a huge thing. Its extremely important to rea d carefully essay services reviews, because you wish to steer clear of low high quality services. You desire a graduate program thats tailored to your requirements. Resume plays a crucial function in getting good jobs. Selecting a professional resume writer is a worthwhile investment and might even prove to be among the best decisions in your career. Work life is changing, however, and its no longer unusual for employees to change positions many times during their careers. The Argument About Best Rated Resume Writing Service Dallas Its important to employ a service which provides you a wonderful price for top quality. On top of that, our cost of resume writing services is among the lowest on the industry. The review is going to teach you whatever you want to understand and then youre able to place your purchase confidently. The completely free review is in fact free, hassle-free, and doesnt demand a credit card to begin. However polished your writing skills are, occasion ally its much better to employ a professional who can frame your experiences in a manner that enables you to command the interest of the greatest companies in your industry. All our writers reisepass a considerable procedure to look at their abilities. Your own personal writer will allow you to create a modern resume, dependent on your career story and meeting all of the high standards of your industry. Choosing a Professional Resume Writer is a superb idea for the majority of professionals since resume writing is a distinctive skill. Ideas, Formulas and Shortcuts for Best Rated Resume Writing Service Dallas Graduate school isnt for the timid at heart. Its advisable since it offers you time to rethink what you wish to say to him. Resumes are not something which a person composes every day. Youve got to compose several academic papers over the duration of a year. Most Noticeable Best Rated Resume Writing Service Dallas Examine the hobbies you most enjoy, the sorts of work and work settings that you enjoy the very best, the kinds of life experiences that you gravitate towards. If you see a service we havent evaluated, dont hesitate to drop us a katechese and were going to look it over whenever possible. The service employs an individual approach for writing all sorts of personalized documents, including cover letters and other sorts of employment-related correspondence. If you are searching for a higher-end company, please see the top 10 list mentioned previously. Top Best Rated Resume Writing Service Dallas Secrets All the work ought to be used in compliance with the suitable policies and applicable laws. The organization utilizes an individual approach to each customer and customizes every resume. Personal companies dont have any legal obligations to continue to keep their financial statements public. Getting to be aware of the business in which you intend to work can assist you in making informed decisions with your prospective employers l ine of questioning.

How To Write A Cover Letter For Your Resume

How To Write A Cover Letter For Your ResumeHow To Write A Cover Letter For Your ResumeWhen you apply for jobs,employers usually ask for a cover letter alongwith your resume (For a great resume building experience visit Resumonk). A cover letter is leidhing but an introduction to your resume and should hence be organized,relevant,customized and nothing short of great. It basically tells the employer why he/she should read your resume, call you for an interview and subsequently hire you.While there are many sites out there to help you with the formatting and content of a cover letter, here are a few basics.The cover letter usually consists of 3-4 paragraphsThe opening paragraph is the most important paragraph as the employer forms a sort of first impression of you by looking at it.Its a good practice to mention the place/person from where you heard about the job.It is,however,not a pre-requisite and should be done only in some cases.One should also mention the post he/she is applying f or.The employer basically needs to know why you are writing to them.Next,you mention your relevant skills and accomplishments.Be careful not to make it look like a mini-resume. Write only about your most important skills,accomplishments and qualities.The employer will get to know about you in detail by looking at your resume,hence this is not the right place.In the final paragraph,mention why you think youre right for the job.Try convincing the employer but be mindful of keeping it short and attractive.Conclude the letter by directing the employer to the enclosed resume and thanking him/her.Things to keep in mindIt goes without saying that cover letter (just as your resume) should be relevant.Refrain from mentioning any skill or accomplishment that is not related to the job you are applying for.Most employers dont have enough time to read long letters and usually skim through the page(s).Hence try remaining as to the point as possible.Unless you are applying as an actor or some simi lar job,do not enclose a photograph of yours(unless asked of course).It is,however,to be kept in mind that the above information is only a set of basic guidelines and there can be variations depending on the type of job youre applying for as well as your form of application.For example,while applying through post one also has to be mindful of how/where to write the address,what kind of paper to be used and other such things.Even the slightest negligence on your parte might cost you the job (Remember,when the number of applicants are large you dont want to give the employer a reason not to select you). Hence research well and write the best letter possible.All the bestThis post has been contributed by Srishti Singh.

Work-life balance lessons from Arianna Huffington

Work-life balance lessons from Arianna HuffingtonWork-life balance lessons from Arianna HuffingtonReformed workaholic Arianna Huffington shares zu sich secrets of success without stress.If you spend most of your time feeling like youve got too much to do, you might feel better when you look at whats on Arianna Huffingtons plate.As head of one of the worlds most influential news and information brands, The Huffington Post, the sheer amount of data that this mother of two is responsible for overseeing can make your head spin. Despite these intense professional and personal responsibilities, Huffington has found a way to stay centered in the midst of competing demands that could easily feel chaotic.I had a chance to interview Huffington to ask her how she does it- and how others can follow her example to achieve a better work-life balance of their own.Create New HabitsIn Thrive, Huffington advocates taking a few simple steps at the personal level that can lead to dramatic effects on you r well-being. I personally start every morning with 20 to 30 minutes of meditation, and in Thrive I recommend very small, manageable steps, including introducing 5 minutes of meditation into your day and getting just 30 minutes more sleep than you are getting now, says Huffington. These small changes can open the door to creating a new habit- and all the many proven benefits it brings.Course-CorrectWith her high-profile role in the media and mind-boggling responsibilities at HuffPo, you might wonder how consistently Huffington is able to follow her sleep and meditation routine, as well as other recommendations she gives readers.On the whole Im able to follow my own recommendations, though of course I slip up from time to time, admits Huffington.If she feels herself falling out of balance, Huffington has a strategy for catching herself quickly.I find that the easiest way for me to course-correct is by focusing on my breathing, says Huffington. Conscious breathing is something I can r eturn to hundreds of times during the day in an instant. It helps me introduce pauses into my daily life, brings me back into the moment, and helps me transcend upsets and setbacks.She adds that focusing on her breathing has helped her become much more aware of when she holds or constricts her breath- elend just when dealing with a problem, but sometimes even when shes doing something as mundane as putting a key in the door, texting, reading an email, or going over her schedule. When I use my breath to relax the contracted core of my body, I can follow this thread back to my center, says Huffington.Go PublicHow can you increase your resolve to keep your work-life in better balance? Huffington recommends spreading the word about it.Ive learned that going public about your decision- to meditate, to get more sleep, whatever it may be- can be one way to make that commitment stick, says Huffington. Youll be surrounded, as I found out, by sympathetic friends who have been wanting to do th e same thing and will help you stick to your goals.In Huffingtons case, after blogging on the Huffington Post about her commitment to get more sleep, complete strangers began coming up to her at events, glancing at their watches. They were wondering how much longer I planned to stay and whether I was going to be able to get my eight hours, recalls Huffington. I felt like a kid out on a school night- with dozens of babysitters all anxious to help me keep my commitment.

Tips for Motivating Both Employees and Managers

Tips for Motivating Both Employees and ManagersTips for Motivating Both Employees and ManagersEmployee motivation describes an employees intrinsic enthusiasm about what drives them to accomplish work. Every employee is motivated about something in his or her life. Your goal as a manager- or boss- is to help employees and other managers find the job factors and work environment that will help motivate them to work harder and contribute more in the workplace. How to Motivate Your Workforce Some strategies work better than others. The tips below highlight the fastest, and often easiest, ways to understand and implement employee motivation. Realize that every person is motivated Whether that motivation revolves around work, a hobby, the family, the spiritual side of life, or food, each person has some items or issues about which he or she feels motivated to take action in his or her life. Realize that motivating your workforce does bedrngnislage have to be expensive. In fact, it does not have to cost money at all You do not need to involve company financed events or company-sponsored parties, gifts, or monetary awards. Activities and recognition that cost money are welcomed by employees as part of the motivation and recognition mix, but their impact on motivating employees is short term and will not over-ride the consequences of how people feel treated every day in the workplace. Realize that much of the workplace environment that encourages employee motivation involves the time commitment of upper management Genuine interest, care, employee-oriented policies and procedures, and attention from both senior managers and line managers are all appreciated and valued. This might seem like it only motivates lower-level employees, but the satisfaction of motivating others is often motivating in itself, which propels management to higher productivity and happiness. Realize that motivation is prevalent in workplaces where people are treated as valued human beings. Trust , respect, civil conversation, and listening prevail in a workplace that fosters employee motivation. Gone are the days when negative reinforcement drove results. With many employees only staying with a company for a few years, it is vital to keep them happy. This ensures they are motivated to work, but also to come back if their new situation is not what they thought it was. Realize the power of offering clear, concise direction When polls are conducted about what supervisory behavior makes a manager a bad boss, the lack of clear direction consistently ranks first. Employees want to know exactly what you expect from them. When they have the reassurance of clear direction, motivating employees becomes easier because you and they have created a framework for their expected performance. Realize that oftentimes, your workforce will follow your example, which means you need to be at the top of your game Supervisors can create an environment in which employees choose motivation. So, the right answer is that, generally, you know what you should do you know what motivates you. You just do not consistently, in a disciplined manner, adhere to what you already know is effective in motivating employees.? Realize employee motivation is an individual challenge What motivates one employee is not motivating for another. Research indicates that while treating employees nicely is a factor in motivation and happy employees are also a factor in employee motivation, more is needed for a successful organization. After all, a workplace of happy employees is great, but it does not guarantee quality products delivered on time, delighted customers, or profitability. These are all essential to providing those happy employees with jobs. Factors such as demanding goals, success measurements, and critical feedback ensure the organizations success. Realize you cant motivate another person directly You can only provide an environment at work that is conducive to and supportive of employees choosing to become motivated about issues related to work. Your actions in the workplace either encourage motivated behavior or they discourage employee motivation. In some workplaces, company policies and management behavior actually squelch motivation. Realize that you need to actively solicit information from the employees who report to you, and from your co-workers about what motivates them Employees know what they find motivating and they can tell you if you ask. Following through on the information you are given is key as employees test you constantly to see if your word is good. If asked, people expect to see something changed as a result of their response. If it does not change, and you do not tell them why- you risk wasting your efforts in motivating employees. Responding to employee needs and complaints is key in motivating employees.

Top 6 secrets to making emotionally intelligent friendships

Top 6 secrets to making emotionally intelligent friendshipsTop 6 secrets to making emotionally intelligent friendshipsWe all want good, close friends.Problem is, while high school sure had gym class, it didnt have Emotional Intelligence 101.So what part of emotional intelligence is critical for friendships? Emotional intimacy.FromBreaking the Male Code Unlocking the Power of FriendshipSociologist Ray Pahl states that friendships today are based primarily on trust and emotional intimacy.So what is emotional intimacy?FromBreaking the Male Code Unlocking the Power of FriendshipEmotional intimacy is the experience of being deeply connected to abedrngnisherbei person who knows and understands your fruchtwein important feelings and who shares his or her own with you.Yeah, that sounds nice but its still at Hallmark Card levels of pleasant vagueness. So we can probably recognize the concept better by looking at itsopposite.FromBreaking the Male Code Unlocking the Power of FriendshipIf there were a label for this problem in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, it might read something like Emotional Intimacy Deficiency- a problem characterized by a sense of shallowness in ones relationships with others, associated with a failure to recognize or express feelings, to reveal personal details about oneself, to be vulnerable or let anyone help you, to comfortably share attention or let go of control, and to listen without having to solve a problem.This wont shock you at all, but research shows men are far worse at this than women. Both sexes can certainly struggle, but this is a department where men really lag behind.And that causes a lot of problems for men. Serious problems. bedrngnis just unfulfilling relationships - its mora akin to a chronic emotional illness that affects every area of life.FromBreaking the Male Code Unlocking the Power of Friendship(Men who lack emotional intimacy) take longer to recover from minor illnesses, have lower resistance levels, and have reduced survival times when diagnosed with terminal illness. They are 50 percent mora likely to have a first-time heart attack, and twice as likely to die from it, than men with strong social ties. When depressed, behauptung men have significantly lower rates of recovery than those who have close relationships Wives who cite their husbands emotional unavailability as the primary cause of divorce initiate two out of every three divorces today. At the far end of the life cycle, older men without close relationships have 20 percent lower ten-year survival rates compared with those who do.That said, womens friendships arent perfect either.Were going to dive into the research and landsee the most common ways both sexes struggle with friendship, what they can do about it, and how they can learn from each other to improve.So how do you increase emotional intimacy and build emotionally intelligent friendships? It comes down to six steps. Lets get to it1) Know thyselfThe th ing everybody skips. Knowing yourself means you know what you want and need, and this is critical for both picking new friends and strengthening existing relationships.How many friends would you optimally have? What level of closeness do you need? How frequently do you want to communicate? You want to askyourself, What features of a friendship will be most fulfilling to me in the long run?Research shows this is critical for women. We live in a world largely run by men, so women know they need close friendships to provide the things their often male-dominated-environments dont give them.FromBuddy ordnungsprinzipBy forming relationships with a group of women, women escape having their relationships defined by mens way of interacting. By defining relationships for themselves, women are able to construct them in a way that is mora consistent with their own beliefs.So take some time to think about what you want and need.(No, that 2 seconds between sentences doesnt count. Really sit down and take a half hour and think. And write stuff down.)If you just rely on serendipity to bring you friendships and to move them forward, well, thats what got you where you are now. Time to be a little mora deliberate.(To learn more about the science of a successful life, check out my new bookhere.)So before we go to work on developing emotional intimacy, lets find out whats been getting in the way of it. In the modern world, whats the biggest obstacle to adult friendships?2) Make the timeActually, you cant make time. We all have 24 hours in a day. The more accurate thing to say is make time with your friends a priority. What friendships need to grow intimate and strong is hours.What are the most common friendship fights about? Time commitments.ViaFriendfluence The Surprising Ways Friends Make Us Who We AreDaniel Hruschka reviewed studies on the causes of conflict in friendship and found that the most common friendship fights boil down to time commitments. Spending time with someone is a sure indicator that you value him no one likes to feel undervalued.And the research shows this is where men make a big mistake. Whether its due to the longer hours men spend working or simply leid making friendship the priority that women do, guys often dont put in the time.FromBuddy SystemFrom the responses, it appears women were less apt to say they did not have time for friends. Although the majority (60%) of men say they have enough friends, 40% do not have enough or are unsure, a greater number than the women. It may be that some men are pulled by work and cannot find the time to balance friends, work, and family.Unsurprisingly, in adulthood the biggest thing that takes away friend-time is family-time. And while no blogger in his right mind would ever type, You should spend less time with your family, he might be able to get away with saying something like the far more acceptable, Balance is critical.Researchhas shown that in the modern era we have become far too reliant o n spouses to provideallof our emotional needs - and that simply doesnt work. So whats a feasible solution?Including friends in family time is not only a way to kill two birds with one stone, it also improvesbothrelationships.ViaFriendfluence The Surprising Ways Friends Make Us Who We AreMost intriguing was how couples rated their own relationships more positively after interacting with other pairs. Married partners fall into routine interactions and often fail to make theeffort to entertain and please as they did when they were winning each other over. Putting your best self forward for new friends allows you to shine and to see your partner through new eyes as she shines, too. Maintaining older mutual friendships also strengthens the bond between long-term partners Having people around who think of the two of you as a unit, who admire your relationship, and who expect you to stay together can sustain you through times of doubt or distance.So you want to make friendships a priority and give them the time they need to become emotionally intimate. And if youre lacking hours, invite friends to join you for family time.(To learn how to make friends easily, clickhere.)Okay, so you know what you want and youre making pals a priority. But which of your friends do you need to focus on building emotional intimacy with?3) Must, trust, rust, and justLooking at theresearch, the types of friends that men and women have fall into the same four categories must, trust, rust and just.Must friends The innerhalb circle. The closest of the close.Trust friends Not inner circle, but people you trust, share confidences with and know are there for you.Rust friends Theyre pals simply because youve known them a long time. (If it had more than that, theyd be must or trust.)Just friends Closer than acquaintances and you may see them regularly with a group, but youre not tight with them and dont have a big shared history.Whats critical here when it comes to emotional intimacy is those mu st friends. And trust friends are important because they can, with work, be promoted to must friends.First and foremost, you want to work on strengthening those must friendships and devoting more time to them. And you want to evaluate which of your trust friends meet with your know thyself criteria and might be worthy of elevation. Rust and just friends are good for rounding out your social circle but should receive less attention and investment.(To learn more about the types of friends everyone needs, clickhere.)Whats the first step in strengthening those must and trust friends - or finding totally new ones?4) Be proactiveYoure going to need to do some legwork. You need to be proactive and initiate contact.And you need to makeconcreteplans. I live in Los Angeles and in this city saying, We should get together sometime is pretty much synonymous with, I have no intention of ever seeing you again.Specify places and times or your friendships will be determined by serendipity, which is the euphemism lazy people use for dumb luck.The optimistic angle here is that if youre being passive you can pretty much be certain other people are being passive too. So if you lead, some will follow. Organize a group, throw a party, or just invite a friend to coffee.And what should you look for when meeting new folks who might become future must or trust friends? All the research agreessimilarityis key. Not only does it draw us to people, it also makes friendships more likely to last.FromBuddy SystemSimilarities also occur when tastes and interests match up, and similarities make friendships easier to maintain. And, unless you are interested in hanging out with people who make you feel bad about yourself (not a good interest to have), finding someone who conveys that you are likeable to them will be very reinforcing to your self-esteem.Beyond similarity, you should also look forpeople you want to learn something from. Since youtook the time to sit down and know thyself, think abo ut the person you want to be. Your best self.Who do you want to rub off on you? To make you a better spouse, parent, worker or human being?(To learn more about how to make friends as an adult, clickhere.)Okay, you know what you want, youre making time, and youre proactive. So whats therealkey to developing emotional intimacy with your friends?5) CommunicationYeah, you hear communicating is vital constantly from experts but few ever break it down so you know how to actually do it. (These experts must not be good communicators.)You want to focus on four primary elementscreating safety, vulnerability, emotional expressiveness, and active listening.Creating safety Is my friend going to feel comfortable opening up to me? Am I being too judgmental? Or, at the opposite extreme, too nosy and pushy?Vulnerability Are you sharing personal thoughts and feelings with them? Reciprocity is powerful and this is vital to helping both of you. Quick litmus test are you scared to talk about the subject ? Then youre being vulnerable.Emotional expressiveness Dont just talk thoughts. Talk feelings. Yours and theirs. (Guys, if youre recoiling at this, youre proving the point that you need to work on it.)Active listening Good listeners dont just hear they make the other person feel heard. Nod, acknowledge, and summarize what your friend said for confirmation. As former FBI hostage negotiatorChris Vossadvises, if they respond Exactly - youre doing it right.Women are much better at this than men. They spend more time communicating and focus more on emotional support.FromBuddy SystemWhen asked the question concerning what they did with their friends, giving emotional support also was more common for women than for men.Much of male communication is teasing the other guy (which, taken too far, is the opposite of safety.) Men feel being vulnerable is theworstthing they can do (and to be fair, the cultural ideal of the strong, silent type and phrases like man up arent helping any.) Males are taught not to be expressive. And guys tend to focus on problem-solving instead of listening during conversations.FromBreaking the Male Code Unlocking the Power of FriendshipWe have found in our Friendship Labs that men are often willing to trade zingers and even enjoy mutual sparring, but only in limited doses. And while most will put up with it, they definitely will not open up when its coming at them.That said, women face challenges here too. Because they are taught to put others at ease and say supportive things, the issue of trust can become a problem Does she really mean what shes saying, or is she just being nice?FromBuddy SystemSociologist Lillian Rubin cites one woman as saying that, because women are so expressive and afraid of hurting someones feelings, compliments are never assumed to be true. How can I believe she means I look good when she says it automatically, every time I see her?The solution for both sexes is, you guessed it, more and deeper communication. Doing th e things necessary to make the other person feel safe - and then vulnerably discussing tough subjects gently and respectfully.(To learn more about how to handle the most difficult of conversations, clickhere.)So you have the tools to build emotional intimacy. But once you have it, how do you keep a solid friendship alive?6) UpkeepFriendships require upkeep, like a plant. Yes, some friends are succulents that require little watering but youre probably forgetting all the ones that turned brown and ended up in the trash.You need to stay in regular contact. Research shows for solid friendships,every 2 weeksis the minimum.In general, women are much better at this than men.FromBuddy SystemWomen maintain friendships largely through communication and staying in frequent contact In contrast, only 10% of the men maintained friendships through frequent contactBut ladies face problems as well. Due to the amount of communication and openness, women are more likely to damage their friendships th an men.Survey results show women were more likely to say they lost a friend because of something they said or did (65% vs 50% for men.)That said, women are more likely to make efforts to repair damaged friendships, while men are more likely to let the relationship dissolve.So women might want to put more effort in to not getting offended. And given how difficult it can be for men to make must friends, they should learn from the ladies and make more attempts to fix a troubled friendship rather than just moving on.(To learn how neuroscience can teach you to be more emotionally intelligent, clickhere.)Alright, weve learned a lot. Time to round it all up and see how all this leads to a more meaningful lifeSum upThis is how to make emotionally intelligent friendshipsKnow thyself To get the friendships you want, you have to know what you want.Make time More accurately, make it a priority. We all waste time. So, uh, just dont waste time alone.Must, Trust, Rust, Just The first two are key. Strengthen the must and try to elevate the trust.Be proactive In case you need confirmation, waiting for the phone to ring does not, in fact, make the phone ring.Communication Create safety, be vulnerable, be emotionally expressive and use active listening. And a sincere compliment never hurt either, beautiful.Upkeep Youre not too busy to send a text message every two weeks. If you think youll forget, put it in your calendar.Researchshows your friends often know you better than you know yourself. So not only does being closer to friends make your life better, its also the path to getting to know yourself better.So do what it takes to improve your relationships with friends and youll also improve the one relationship thats key to happiness in lifeThe one you have with yourself.Join more than 320,000 readers.Get a free weekly update via schmelzglashere.Related postsNew Neuroscience Reveals 4 Rituals That Will Make You HappyNew Harvard Research Reveals A Fun Way To Be More SuccessfulHo w To Get People To Like You 7 Ways From An FBI Behavior ExpertThis article first appeared at Barking Up the Wrong Tree.Top 6 secrets to making emotionally intelligent friendshipsWe all want good, close friends.Problem is, while high school sure had gym class, it didnt have Emotional Intelligence 101.So what part of emotional intelligence is critical for friendships? Emotional intimacy.FromBreaking the Male Code Unlocking the Power of FriendshipSociologist Ray Pahl states that friendships today are based primarily on trust and emotional intimacy.Follow Ladders on FlipboardFollow Ladders magazines on Flipboard covering Happiness, Productivity, Job Satisfaction, Neuroscience, and moreSo what is emotional intimacy?FromBreaking the Male Code Unlocking the Power of FriendshipEmotional intimacy is the experience of being deeply connected to another person who knows and understands your most important feelings and who shares his or her own with you.Yeah, that sounds nice but its still at Ha llmark Card levels of pleasant vagueness. So we can probably recognize the concept better by looking at itsopposite.FromBreaking the Male Code Unlocking the Power of FriendshipIf there were a label for this problem in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, it might read something like Emotional Intimacy Deficiency- a problem characterized by a sense of shallowness in ones relationships with others, associated with a failure to recognize or express feelings, to reveal personal details about oneself, to be vulnerable or let anyone help you, to comfortably share attention or let go of control, and to listen without having to solve a problem.This wont shock you at all, but research shows men are far worse at this than women. Both sexes can certainly struggle, but this is a department where men really lag behind.And that causes a lot of problems for men. Serious problems. Not just unfulfilling relationships - its more akin to a chronic emotional illness that affects every area of life.FromBreaking the Male Code Unlocking the Power of Friendship(Men who lack emotional intimacy) take longer to recover from minor illnesses, have lower resistance levels, and have reduced survival times when diagnosed with terminal illness. They are 50 percent more likely to have a first-time heart attack, and twice as likely to die from it, than men with strong social ties. When depressed, these men have significantly lower rates of recovery than those who have close relationships Wives who cite their husbands emotional unavailability as the primary cause of divorce initiate two out of every three divorces today. At the far end of the life cycle, older men without close relationships have 20 percent lower ten-year survival rates compared with those who do.That said, womens friendships arent perfect either.Were going to dive into the research and see the most common ways both sexes struggle with friendship, what they can do about it, and how they can learn from each other to improve.So how do you increase emotional intimacy and build emotionally intelligent friendships? It comes down to six steps. Lets get to it1) Know thyselfThe thing everybody skips. Knowing yourself means you know what you want and need, and this is critical for both picking new friends and strengthening existing relationships.How many friends would you optimally have? What level of closeness do you need? How frequently do you want to communicate? You want to askyourself, What features of a friendship will be most fulfilling to me in the long run?Research shows this is critical for women. We live in a world largely run by men, so women know they need close friendships to provide the things their often male-dominated-environments dont give them.FromBuddy SystemBy forming relationships with a group of women, women escape having their relationships defined by mens way of interacting. By defining relationships for themselves, women are able to construct them in a way that is mo re consistent with their own beliefs.So take some time to think about what you want and need.(No, that 2 seconds between sentences doesnt count. Really sit down and take a half hour and think. And write stuff down.)If you just rely on serendipity to bring you friendships and to move them forward, well, thats what got you where you are now. Time to be a little more deliberate.(To learn more about the science of a successful life, check out my new bookhere.)So before we go to work on developing emotional intimacy, lets find out whats been getting in the way of it. In the modern world, whats the biggest obstacle to adult friendships?2) Make the timeActually, you cant make time. We all have 24 hours in a day. The more accurate thing to say is make time with your friends a priority. What friendships need to grow intimate and strong is hours.What are the most common friendship fights about? Time commitments.ViaFriendfluence The Surprising Ways Friends Make Us Who We AreDaniel Hruschka rev iewed studies on the causes of conflict in friendship and found that the most common friendship fights boil down to time commitments. Spending time with someone is a sure indicator that you value him no one likes to feel undervalued.And the research shows this is where men make a big mistake. Whether its due to the longer hours men spend working or simply not making friendship the priority that women do, guys often dont put in the time.FromBuddy SystemFrom the responses, it appears women were less apt to say they did not have time for friends. Although the majority (60%) of men say they have enough friends, 40% do not have enough or are unsure, a greater number than the women. It may be that some men are pulled by work and cannot find the time to balance friends, work, and family.Unsurprisingly, in adulthood the biggest thing that takes away friend-time is family-time. And while no blogger in his right mind would ever type, You should spend less time with your family, he might be ab le to get away with saying something like the far more acceptable, Balance is critical.Researchhas shown that in the modern era we have become far too reliant on spouses to provideallof our emotional needs - and that simply doesnt work. So whats a feasible solution?Including friends in family time is not only a way to kill two birds with one stone, it also improvesbothrelationships.ViaFriendfluence The Surprising Ways Friends Make Us Who We AreMost intriguing was how couples rated their own relationships more positively after interacting with other pairs. Married partners fall into routine interactions and often fail to make theeffort to entertain and please as they did when they were winning each other over. Putting your best self forward for new friends allows you to shine and to see your partner through new eyes as she shines, too. Maintaining older mutual friendships also strengthens the bond between long-term partners Having people around who think of the two of you as a unit, who admire your relationship, and who expect you to stay together can sustain you through times of doubt or distance.So you want to make friendships a priority and give them the time they need to become emotionally intimate. And if youre lacking hours, invite friends to join you for family time.(To learn how to make friends easily, clickhere.)Okay, so you know what you want and youre making pals a priority. But which of your friends do you need to focus on building emotional intimacy with?3) Must, trust, rust, and justLooking at theresearch, the types of friends that men and women have fall into the same four categories must, trust, rust and just.Must friends The inner circle. The closest of the close.Trust friends Not inner circle, but people you trust, share confidences with and know are there for you.Rust friends Theyre pals simply because youve known them a long time. (If it had more than that, theyd be must or trust.)Just friends Closer than acquaintances and you may see them regularly with a group, but youre not tight with them and dont have a big shared history.Whats critical here when it comes to emotional intimacy is those must friends. And trust friends are important because they can, with work, be promoted to must friends.First and foremost, you want to work on strengthening those must friendships and devoting more time to them. And you want to evaluate which of your trust friends meet with your know thyself criteria and might be worthy of elevation. Rust and just friends are good for rounding out your social circle but should receive less attention and investment.(To learn more about the types of friends everyone needs, clickhere.)Whats the first step in strengthening those must and trust friends - or finding totally new ones?4) Be proactiveYoure going to need to do some legwork. You need to be proactive and initiate contact.And you need to makeconcreteplans. I live in Los Angeles and in this city saying, We should get together sometime is pretty much synonymous with, I have no intention of ever seeing you again.Specify places and times or your friendships will be determined by serendipity, which is the euphemism lazy people use for dumb luck.The optimistic angle here is that if youre being passive you can pretty much be certain other people are being passive too. So if you lead, some will follow. Organize a group, throw a party, or just invite a friend to coffee.And what should you look for when meeting new folks who might become future must or trust friends? All the research agreessimilarityis key. Not only does it draw us to people, it also makes friendships more likely to last.FromBuddy SystemSimilarities also occur when tastes and interests match up, and similarities make friendships easier to maintain. And, unless you are interested in hanging out with people who make you feel bad about yourself (not a good interest to have), finding someone who conveys that you are likeable to them will be very reinforcing to your se lf-esteem.Beyond similarity, you should also look forpeople you want to learn something from. Since youtook the time to sit down and know thyself, think about the person you want to be. Your best self.Who do you want to rub off on you? To make you a better spouse, parent, worker or human being?(To learn more about how to make friends as an adult, clickhere.)Okay, you know what you want, youre making time, and youre proactive. So whats therealkey to developing emotional intimacy with your friends?5) CommunicationYeah, you hear communicating is vital constantly from experts but few ever break it down so you know how to actually do it. (These experts must not be good communicators.)You want to focus on four primary elementscreating safety, vulnerability, emotional expressiveness, and active listening.Creating safety Is my friend going to feel comfortable opening up to me? Am I being too judgmental? Or, at the opposite extreme, too nosy and pushy?Vulnerability Are you sharing personal t houghts and feelings with them? Reciprocity is powerful and this is vital to helping both of you. Quick litmus test are you scared to talk about the subject? Then youre being vulnerable.Emotional expressiveness Dont just talk thoughts. Talk feelings. Yours and theirs. (Guys, if youre recoiling at this, youre proving the point that you need to work on it.)Active listening Good listeners dont just hear they make the other person feel heard. Nod, acknowledge, and summarize what your friend said for confirmation. As former FBI hostage negotiatorChris Vossadvises, if they respond Exactly - youre doing it right.Women are much better at this than men. They spend more time communicating and focus more on emotional support.FromBuddy SystemWhen asked the question concerning what they did with their friends, giving emotional support also was more common for women than for men.Much of male communication is teasing the other guy (which, taken too far, is the opposite of safety.) Men feel being vulnerable is theworstthing they can do (and to be fair, the cultural ideal of the strong, silent type and phrases like man up arent helping any.) Males are taught not to be expressive. And guys tend to focus on problem-solving instead of listening during conversations.FromBreaking the Male Code Unlocking the Power of FriendshipWe have found in our Friendship Labs that men are often willing to trade zingers and even enjoy mutual sparring, but only in limited doses. And while most will put up with it, they definitely will not open up when its coming at them.That said, women face challenges here too. Because they are taught to put others at ease and say supportive things, the issue of trust can become a problem Does she really mean what shes saying, or is she just being nice?FromBuddy SystemSociologist Lillian Rubin cites one woman as saying that, because women are so expressive and afraid of hurting someones feelings, compliments are never assumed to be true. How can I believe she me ans I look good when she says it automatically, every time I see her?The solution for both sexes is, you guessed it, more and deeper communication. Doing the things necessary to make the other person feel safe - and then vulnerably discussing tough subjects gently and respectfully.(To learn more about how to handle the most difficult of conversations, clickhere.)So you have the tools to build emotional intimacy. But once you have it, how do you keep a solid friendship alive?6) UpkeepFriendships require upkeep, like a plant. Yes, some friends are succulents that require little watering but youre probably forgetting all the ones that turned brown and ended up in the trash.You need to stay in regular contact. Research shows for solid friendships,every 2 weeksis the minimum.In general, women are much better at this than men.FromBuddy SystemWomen maintain friendships largely through communication and staying in frequent contact In contrast, only 10% of the men maintained friendships thr ough frequent contactBut ladies face problems as well. Due to the amount of communication and openness, women are more likely to damage their friendships than men.Survey results show women were more likely to say they lost a friend because of something they said or did (65% vs 50% for men.)That said, women are more likely to make efforts to repair damaged friendships, while men are more likely to let the relationship dissolve.So women might want to put more effort in to not getting offended. And given how difficult it can be for men to make must friends, they should learn from the ladies and make more attempts to fix a troubled friendship rather than just moving on.(To learn how neuroscience can teach you to be more emotionally intelligent, clickhere.)Alright, weve learned a lot. Time to round it all up and see how all this leads to a more meaningful lifeSum upThis is how to make emotionally intelligent friendshipsKnow thyself To get the friendships you want, you have to know what y ou want.Make time More accurately, make it a priority. We all waste time. So, uh, just dont waste time alone.Must, Trust, Rust, Just The first two are key. Strengthen the must and try to elevate the trust.Be proactive In case you need confirmation, waiting for the phone to ring does not, in fact, make the phone ring.Communication Create safety, be vulnerable, be emotionally expressive and use active listening. And a sincere compliment never hurt either, beautiful.Upkeep Youre not too busy to send a text message every two weeks. If you think youll forget, put it in your calendar.Researchshows your friends often know you better than you know yourself. So not only does being closer to friends make your life better, its also the path to getting to know yourself better.So do what it takes to improve your relationships with friends and youll also improve the one relationship thats key to happiness in lifeThe one you have with yourself.Join more than 320,000 readers.Get a free weekly updat e via emailhere.This article first appeared at Barking Up the Wrong Tree.You might also enjoyNew neuroscience reveals 4 rituals that will make you happyStrangers know your social class in the first seven words you say, study finds10 lessons from Benjamin Franklins daily schedule that will double your productivityThe worst mistakes you can make in an interview, according to 12 CEOs10 habits of mentally strong people