Work-life balance lessons from Arianna Huffington

Work-life balance lessons from Arianna HuffingtonWork-life balance lessons from Arianna HuffingtonReformed workaholic Arianna Huffington shares zu sich secrets of success without stress.If you spend most of your time feeling like youve got too much to do, you might feel better when you look at whats on Arianna Huffingtons plate.As head of one of the worlds most influential news and information brands, The Huffington Post, the sheer amount of data that this mother of two is responsible for overseeing can make your head spin. Despite these intense professional and personal responsibilities, Huffington has found a way to stay centered in the midst of competing demands that could easily feel chaotic.I had a chance to interview Huffington to ask her how she does it- and how others can follow her example to achieve a better work-life balance of their own.Create New HabitsIn Thrive, Huffington advocates taking a few simple steps at the personal level that can lead to dramatic effects on you r well-being. I personally start every morning with 20 to 30 minutes of meditation, and in Thrive I recommend very small, manageable steps, including introducing 5 minutes of meditation into your day and getting just 30 minutes more sleep than you are getting now, says Huffington. These small changes can open the door to creating a new habit- and all the many proven benefits it brings.Course-CorrectWith her high-profile role in the media and mind-boggling responsibilities at HuffPo, you might wonder how consistently Huffington is able to follow her sleep and meditation routine, as well as other recommendations she gives readers.On the whole Im able to follow my own recommendations, though of course I slip up from time to time, admits Huffington.If she feels herself falling out of balance, Huffington has a strategy for catching herself quickly.I find that the easiest way for me to course-correct is by focusing on my breathing, says Huffington. Conscious breathing is something I can r eturn to hundreds of times during the day in an instant. It helps me introduce pauses into my daily life, brings me back into the moment, and helps me transcend upsets and setbacks.She adds that focusing on her breathing has helped her become much more aware of when she holds or constricts her breath- elend just when dealing with a problem, but sometimes even when shes doing something as mundane as putting a key in the door, texting, reading an email, or going over her schedule. When I use my breath to relax the contracted core of my body, I can follow this thread back to my center, says Huffington.Go PublicHow can you increase your resolve to keep your work-life in better balance? Huffington recommends spreading the word about it.Ive learned that going public about your decision- to meditate, to get more sleep, whatever it may be- can be one way to make that commitment stick, says Huffington. Youll be surrounded, as I found out, by sympathetic friends who have been wanting to do th e same thing and will help you stick to your goals.In Huffingtons case, after blogging on the Huffington Post about her commitment to get more sleep, complete strangers began coming up to her at events, glancing at their watches. They were wondering how much longer I planned to stay and whether I was going to be able to get my eight hours, recalls Huffington. I felt like a kid out on a school night- with dozens of babysitters all anxious to help me keep my commitment.

Tips for Motivating Both Employees and Managers

Tips for Motivating Both Employees and ManagersTips for Motivating Both Employees and ManagersEmployee motivation describes an employees intrinsic enthusiasm about what drives them to accomplish work. Every employee is motivated about something in his or her life. Your goal as a manager- or boss- is to help employees and other managers find the job factors and work environment that will help motivate them to work harder and contribute more in the workplace. How to Motivate Your Workforce Some strategies work better than others. The tips below highlight the fastest, and often easiest, ways to understand and implement employee motivation. Realize that every person is motivated Whether that motivation revolves around work, a hobby, the family, the spiritual side of life, or food, each person has some items or issues about which he or she feels motivated to take action in his or her life. Realize that motivating your workforce does bedrngnislage have to be expensive. In fact, it does not have to cost money at all You do not need to involve company financed events or company-sponsored parties, gifts, or monetary awards. Activities and recognition that cost money are welcomed by employees as part of the motivation and recognition mix, but their impact on motivating employees is short term and will not over-ride the consequences of how people feel treated every day in the workplace. Realize that much of the workplace environment that encourages employee motivation involves the time commitment of upper management Genuine interest, care, employee-oriented policies and procedures, and attention from both senior managers and line managers are all appreciated and valued. This might seem like it only motivates lower-level employees, but the satisfaction of motivating others is often motivating in itself, which propels management to higher productivity and happiness. Realize that motivation is prevalent in workplaces where people are treated as valued human beings. Trust , respect, civil conversation, and listening prevail in a workplace that fosters employee motivation. Gone are the days when negative reinforcement drove results. With many employees only staying with a company for a few years, it is vital to keep them happy. This ensures they are motivated to work, but also to come back if their new situation is not what they thought it was. Realize the power of offering clear, concise direction When polls are conducted about what supervisory behavior makes a manager a bad boss, the lack of clear direction consistently ranks first. Employees want to know exactly what you expect from them. When they have the reassurance of clear direction, motivating employees becomes easier because you and they have created a framework for their expected performance. Realize that oftentimes, your workforce will follow your example, which means you need to be at the top of your game Supervisors can create an environment in which employees choose motivation. So, the right answer is that, generally, you know what you should do you know what motivates you. You just do not consistently, in a disciplined manner, adhere to what you already know is effective in motivating employees.? Realize employee motivation is an individual challenge What motivates one employee is not motivating for another. Research indicates that while treating employees nicely is a factor in motivation and happy employees are also a factor in employee motivation, more is needed for a successful organization. After all, a workplace of happy employees is great, but it does not guarantee quality products delivered on time, delighted customers, or profitability. These are all essential to providing those happy employees with jobs. Factors such as demanding goals, success measurements, and critical feedback ensure the organizations success. Realize you cant motivate another person directly You can only provide an environment at work that is conducive to and supportive of employees choosing to become motivated about issues related to work. Your actions in the workplace either encourage motivated behavior or they discourage employee motivation. In some workplaces, company policies and management behavior actually squelch motivation. Realize that you need to actively solicit information from the employees who report to you, and from your co-workers about what motivates them Employees know what they find motivating and they can tell you if you ask. Following through on the information you are given is key as employees test you constantly to see if your word is good. If asked, people expect to see something changed as a result of their response. If it does not change, and you do not tell them why- you risk wasting your efforts in motivating employees. Responding to employee needs and complaints is key in motivating employees.

Top 6 secrets to making emotionally intelligent friendships

Top 6 secrets to making emotionally intelligent friendshipsTop 6 secrets to making emotionally intelligent friendshipsWe all want good, close friends.Problem is, while high school sure had gym class, it didnt have Emotional Intelligence 101.So what part of emotional intelligence is critical for friendships? Emotional intimacy.FromBreaking the Male Code Unlocking the Power of FriendshipSociologist Ray Pahl states that friendships today are based primarily on trust and emotional intimacy.So what is emotional intimacy?FromBreaking the Male Code Unlocking the Power of FriendshipEmotional intimacy is the experience of being deeply connected to abedrngnisherbei person who knows and understands your fruchtwein important feelings and who shares his or her own with you.Yeah, that sounds nice but its still at Hallmark Card levels of pleasant vagueness. So we can probably recognize the concept better by looking at itsopposite.FromBreaking the Male Code Unlocking the Power of FriendshipIf there were a label for this problem in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, it might read something like Emotional Intimacy Deficiency- a problem characterized by a sense of shallowness in ones relationships with others, associated with a failure to recognize or express feelings, to reveal personal details about oneself, to be vulnerable or let anyone help you, to comfortably share attention or let go of control, and to listen without having to solve a problem.This wont shock you at all, but research shows men are far worse at this than women. Both sexes can certainly struggle, but this is a department where men really lag behind.And that causes a lot of problems for men. Serious problems. bedrngnis just unfulfilling relationships - its mora akin to a chronic emotional illness that affects every area of life.FromBreaking the Male Code Unlocking the Power of Friendship(Men who lack emotional intimacy) take longer to recover from minor illnesses, have lower resistance levels, and have reduced survival times when diagnosed with terminal illness. They are 50 percent mora likely to have a first-time heart attack, and twice as likely to die from it, than men with strong social ties. When depressed, behauptung men have significantly lower rates of recovery than those who have close relationships Wives who cite their husbands emotional unavailability as the primary cause of divorce initiate two out of every three divorces today. At the far end of the life cycle, older men without close relationships have 20 percent lower ten-year survival rates compared with those who do.That said, womens friendships arent perfect either.Were going to dive into the research and landsee the most common ways both sexes struggle with friendship, what they can do about it, and how they can learn from each other to improve.So how do you increase emotional intimacy and build emotionally intelligent friendships? It comes down to six steps. Lets get to it1) Know thyselfThe th ing everybody skips. Knowing yourself means you know what you want and need, and this is critical for both picking new friends and strengthening existing relationships.How many friends would you optimally have? What level of closeness do you need? How frequently do you want to communicate? You want to askyourself, What features of a friendship will be most fulfilling to me in the long run?Research shows this is critical for women. We live in a world largely run by men, so women know they need close friendships to provide the things their often male-dominated-environments dont give them.FromBuddy ordnungsprinzipBy forming relationships with a group of women, women escape having their relationships defined by mens way of interacting. By defining relationships for themselves, women are able to construct them in a way that is mora consistent with their own beliefs.So take some time to think about what you want and need.(No, that 2 seconds between sentences doesnt count. Really sit down and take a half hour and think. And write stuff down.)If you just rely on serendipity to bring you friendships and to move them forward, well, thats what got you where you are now. Time to be a little mora deliberate.(To learn more about the science of a successful life, check out my new bookhere.)So before we go to work on developing emotional intimacy, lets find out whats been getting in the way of it. In the modern world, whats the biggest obstacle to adult friendships?2) Make the timeActually, you cant make time. We all have 24 hours in a day. The more accurate thing to say is make time with your friends a priority. What friendships need to grow intimate and strong is hours.What are the most common friendship fights about? Time commitments.ViaFriendfluence The Surprising Ways Friends Make Us Who We AreDaniel Hruschka reviewed studies on the causes of conflict in friendship and found that the most common friendship fights boil down to time commitments. Spending time with someone is a sure indicator that you value him no one likes to feel undervalued.And the research shows this is where men make a big mistake. Whether its due to the longer hours men spend working or simply leid making friendship the priority that women do, guys often dont put in the time.FromBuddy SystemFrom the responses, it appears women were less apt to say they did not have time for friends. Although the majority (60%) of men say they have enough friends, 40% do not have enough or are unsure, a greater number than the women. It may be that some men are pulled by work and cannot find the time to balance friends, work, and family.Unsurprisingly, in adulthood the biggest thing that takes away friend-time is family-time. And while no blogger in his right mind would ever type, You should spend less time with your family, he might be able to get away with saying something like the far more acceptable, Balance is critical.Researchhas shown that in the modern era we have become far too reliant o n spouses to provideallof our emotional needs - and that simply doesnt work. So whats a feasible solution?Including friends in family time is not only a way to kill two birds with one stone, it also improvesbothrelationships.ViaFriendfluence The Surprising Ways Friends Make Us Who We AreMost intriguing was how couples rated their own relationships more positively after interacting with other pairs. Married partners fall into routine interactions and often fail to make theeffort to entertain and please as they did when they were winning each other over. Putting your best self forward for new friends allows you to shine and to see your partner through new eyes as she shines, too. Maintaining older mutual friendships also strengthens the bond between long-term partners Having people around who think of the two of you as a unit, who admire your relationship, and who expect you to stay together can sustain you through times of doubt or distance.So you want to make friendships a priority and give them the time they need to become emotionally intimate. And if youre lacking hours, invite friends to join you for family time.(To learn how to make friends easily, clickhere.)Okay, so you know what you want and youre making pals a priority. But which of your friends do you need to focus on building emotional intimacy with?3) Must, trust, rust, and justLooking at theresearch, the types of friends that men and women have fall into the same four categories must, trust, rust and just.Must friends The innerhalb circle. The closest of the close.Trust friends Not inner circle, but people you trust, share confidences with and know are there for you.Rust friends Theyre pals simply because youve known them a long time. (If it had more than that, theyd be must or trust.)Just friends Closer than acquaintances and you may see them regularly with a group, but youre not tight with them and dont have a big shared history.Whats critical here when it comes to emotional intimacy is those mu st friends. And trust friends are important because they can, with work, be promoted to must friends.First and foremost, you want to work on strengthening those must friendships and devoting more time to them. And you want to evaluate which of your trust friends meet with your know thyself criteria and might be worthy of elevation. Rust and just friends are good for rounding out your social circle but should receive less attention and investment.(To learn more about the types of friends everyone needs, clickhere.)Whats the first step in strengthening those must and trust friends - or finding totally new ones?4) Be proactiveYoure going to need to do some legwork. You need to be proactive and initiate contact.And you need to makeconcreteplans. I live in Los Angeles and in this city saying, We should get together sometime is pretty much synonymous with, I have no intention of ever seeing you again.Specify places and times or your friendships will be determined by serendipity, which is the euphemism lazy people use for dumb luck.The optimistic angle here is that if youre being passive you can pretty much be certain other people are being passive too. So if you lead, some will follow. Organize a group, throw a party, or just invite a friend to coffee.And what should you look for when meeting new folks who might become future must or trust friends? All the research agreessimilarityis key. Not only does it draw us to people, it also makes friendships more likely to last.FromBuddy SystemSimilarities also occur when tastes and interests match up, and similarities make friendships easier to maintain. And, unless you are interested in hanging out with people who make you feel bad about yourself (not a good interest to have), finding someone who conveys that you are likeable to them will be very reinforcing to your self-esteem.Beyond similarity, you should also look forpeople you want to learn something from. Since youtook the time to sit down and know thyself, think abo ut the person you want to be. Your best self.Who do you want to rub off on you? To make you a better spouse, parent, worker or human being?(To learn more about how to make friends as an adult, clickhere.)Okay, you know what you want, youre making time, and youre proactive. So whats therealkey to developing emotional intimacy with your friends?5) CommunicationYeah, you hear communicating is vital constantly from experts but few ever break it down so you know how to actually do it. (These experts must not be good communicators.)You want to focus on four primary elementscreating safety, vulnerability, emotional expressiveness, and active listening.Creating safety Is my friend going to feel comfortable opening up to me? Am I being too judgmental? Or, at the opposite extreme, too nosy and pushy?Vulnerability Are you sharing personal thoughts and feelings with them? Reciprocity is powerful and this is vital to helping both of you. Quick litmus test are you scared to talk about the subject ? Then youre being vulnerable.Emotional expressiveness Dont just talk thoughts. Talk feelings. Yours and theirs. (Guys, if youre recoiling at this, youre proving the point that you need to work on it.)Active listening Good listeners dont just hear they make the other person feel heard. Nod, acknowledge, and summarize what your friend said for confirmation. As former FBI hostage negotiatorChris Vossadvises, if they respond Exactly - youre doing it right.Women are much better at this than men. They spend more time communicating and focus more on emotional support.FromBuddy SystemWhen asked the question concerning what they did with their friends, giving emotional support also was more common for women than for men.Much of male communication is teasing the other guy (which, taken too far, is the opposite of safety.) Men feel being vulnerable is theworstthing they can do (and to be fair, the cultural ideal of the strong, silent type and phrases like man up arent helping any.) Males are taught not to be expressive. And guys tend to focus on problem-solving instead of listening during conversations.FromBreaking the Male Code Unlocking the Power of FriendshipWe have found in our Friendship Labs that men are often willing to trade zingers and even enjoy mutual sparring, but only in limited doses. And while most will put up with it, they definitely will not open up when its coming at them.That said, women face challenges here too. Because they are taught to put others at ease and say supportive things, the issue of trust can become a problem Does she really mean what shes saying, or is she just being nice?FromBuddy SystemSociologist Lillian Rubin cites one woman as saying that, because women are so expressive and afraid of hurting someones feelings, compliments are never assumed to be true. How can I believe she means I look good when she says it automatically, every time I see her?The solution for both sexes is, you guessed it, more and deeper communication. Doing th e things necessary to make the other person feel safe - and then vulnerably discussing tough subjects gently and respectfully.(To learn more about how to handle the most difficult of conversations, clickhere.)So you have the tools to build emotional intimacy. But once you have it, how do you keep a solid friendship alive?6) UpkeepFriendships require upkeep, like a plant. Yes, some friends are succulents that require little watering but youre probably forgetting all the ones that turned brown and ended up in the trash.You need to stay in regular contact. Research shows for solid friendships,every 2 weeksis the minimum.In general, women are much better at this than men.FromBuddy SystemWomen maintain friendships largely through communication and staying in frequent contact In contrast, only 10% of the men maintained friendships through frequent contactBut ladies face problems as well. Due to the amount of communication and openness, women are more likely to damage their friendships th an men.Survey results show women were more likely to say they lost a friend because of something they said or did (65% vs 50% for men.)That said, women are more likely to make efforts to repair damaged friendships, while men are more likely to let the relationship dissolve.So women might want to put more effort in to not getting offended. And given how difficult it can be for men to make must friends, they should learn from the ladies and make more attempts to fix a troubled friendship rather than just moving on.(To learn how neuroscience can teach you to be more emotionally intelligent, clickhere.)Alright, weve learned a lot. Time to round it all up and see how all this leads to a more meaningful lifeSum upThis is how to make emotionally intelligent friendshipsKnow thyself To get the friendships you want, you have to know what you want.Make time More accurately, make it a priority. We all waste time. So, uh, just dont waste time alone.Must, Trust, Rust, Just The first two are key. Strengthen the must and try to elevate the trust.Be proactive In case you need confirmation, waiting for the phone to ring does not, in fact, make the phone ring.Communication Create safety, be vulnerable, be emotionally expressive and use active listening. And a sincere compliment never hurt either, beautiful.Upkeep Youre not too busy to send a text message every two weeks. If you think youll forget, put it in your calendar.Researchshows your friends often know you better than you know yourself. So not only does being closer to friends make your life better, its also the path to getting to know yourself better.So do what it takes to improve your relationships with friends and youll also improve the one relationship thats key to happiness in lifeThe one you have with yourself.Join more than 320,000 readers.Get a free weekly update via schmelzglashere.Related postsNew Neuroscience Reveals 4 Rituals That Will Make You HappyNew Harvard Research Reveals A Fun Way To Be More SuccessfulHo w To Get People To Like You 7 Ways From An FBI Behavior ExpertThis article first appeared at Barking Up the Wrong Tree.Top 6 secrets to making emotionally intelligent friendshipsWe all want good, close friends.Problem is, while high school sure had gym class, it didnt have Emotional Intelligence 101.So what part of emotional intelligence is critical for friendships? Emotional intimacy.FromBreaking the Male Code Unlocking the Power of FriendshipSociologist Ray Pahl states that friendships today are based primarily on trust and emotional intimacy.Follow Ladders on FlipboardFollow Ladders magazines on Flipboard covering Happiness, Productivity, Job Satisfaction, Neuroscience, and moreSo what is emotional intimacy?FromBreaking the Male Code Unlocking the Power of FriendshipEmotional intimacy is the experience of being deeply connected to another person who knows and understands your most important feelings and who shares his or her own with you.Yeah, that sounds nice but its still at Ha llmark Card levels of pleasant vagueness. So we can probably recognize the concept better by looking at itsopposite.FromBreaking the Male Code Unlocking the Power of FriendshipIf there were a label for this problem in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, it might read something like Emotional Intimacy Deficiency- a problem characterized by a sense of shallowness in ones relationships with others, associated with a failure to recognize or express feelings, to reveal personal details about oneself, to be vulnerable or let anyone help you, to comfortably share attention or let go of control, and to listen without having to solve a problem.This wont shock you at all, but research shows men are far worse at this than women. Both sexes can certainly struggle, but this is a department where men really lag behind.And that causes a lot of problems for men. Serious problems. Not just unfulfilling relationships - its more akin to a chronic emotional illness that affects every area of life.FromBreaking the Male Code Unlocking the Power of Friendship(Men who lack emotional intimacy) take longer to recover from minor illnesses, have lower resistance levels, and have reduced survival times when diagnosed with terminal illness. They are 50 percent more likely to have a first-time heart attack, and twice as likely to die from it, than men with strong social ties. When depressed, these men have significantly lower rates of recovery than those who have close relationships Wives who cite their husbands emotional unavailability as the primary cause of divorce initiate two out of every three divorces today. At the far end of the life cycle, older men without close relationships have 20 percent lower ten-year survival rates compared with those who do.That said, womens friendships arent perfect either.Were going to dive into the research and see the most common ways both sexes struggle with friendship, what they can do about it, and how they can learn from each other to improve.So how do you increase emotional intimacy and build emotionally intelligent friendships? It comes down to six steps. Lets get to it1) Know thyselfThe thing everybody skips. Knowing yourself means you know what you want and need, and this is critical for both picking new friends and strengthening existing relationships.How many friends would you optimally have? What level of closeness do you need? How frequently do you want to communicate? You want to askyourself, What features of a friendship will be most fulfilling to me in the long run?Research shows this is critical for women. We live in a world largely run by men, so women know they need close friendships to provide the things their often male-dominated-environments dont give them.FromBuddy SystemBy forming relationships with a group of women, women escape having their relationships defined by mens way of interacting. By defining relationships for themselves, women are able to construct them in a way that is mo re consistent with their own beliefs.So take some time to think about what you want and need.(No, that 2 seconds between sentences doesnt count. Really sit down and take a half hour and think. And write stuff down.)If you just rely on serendipity to bring you friendships and to move them forward, well, thats what got you where you are now. Time to be a little more deliberate.(To learn more about the science of a successful life, check out my new bookhere.)So before we go to work on developing emotional intimacy, lets find out whats been getting in the way of it. In the modern world, whats the biggest obstacle to adult friendships?2) Make the timeActually, you cant make time. We all have 24 hours in a day. The more accurate thing to say is make time with your friends a priority. What friendships need to grow intimate and strong is hours.What are the most common friendship fights about? Time commitments.ViaFriendfluence The Surprising Ways Friends Make Us Who We AreDaniel Hruschka rev iewed studies on the causes of conflict in friendship and found that the most common friendship fights boil down to time commitments. Spending time with someone is a sure indicator that you value him no one likes to feel undervalued.And the research shows this is where men make a big mistake. Whether its due to the longer hours men spend working or simply not making friendship the priority that women do, guys often dont put in the time.FromBuddy SystemFrom the responses, it appears women were less apt to say they did not have time for friends. Although the majority (60%) of men say they have enough friends, 40% do not have enough or are unsure, a greater number than the women. It may be that some men are pulled by work and cannot find the time to balance friends, work, and family.Unsurprisingly, in adulthood the biggest thing that takes away friend-time is family-time. And while no blogger in his right mind would ever type, You should spend less time with your family, he might be ab le to get away with saying something like the far more acceptable, Balance is critical.Researchhas shown that in the modern era we have become far too reliant on spouses to provideallof our emotional needs - and that simply doesnt work. So whats a feasible solution?Including friends in family time is not only a way to kill two birds with one stone, it also improvesbothrelationships.ViaFriendfluence The Surprising Ways Friends Make Us Who We AreMost intriguing was how couples rated their own relationships more positively after interacting with other pairs. Married partners fall into routine interactions and often fail to make theeffort to entertain and please as they did when they were winning each other over. Putting your best self forward for new friends allows you to shine and to see your partner through new eyes as she shines, too. Maintaining older mutual friendships also strengthens the bond between long-term partners Having people around who think of the two of you as a unit, who admire your relationship, and who expect you to stay together can sustain you through times of doubt or distance.So you want to make friendships a priority and give them the time they need to become emotionally intimate. And if youre lacking hours, invite friends to join you for family time.(To learn how to make friends easily, clickhere.)Okay, so you know what you want and youre making pals a priority. But which of your friends do you need to focus on building emotional intimacy with?3) Must, trust, rust, and justLooking at theresearch, the types of friends that men and women have fall into the same four categories must, trust, rust and just.Must friends The inner circle. The closest of the close.Trust friends Not inner circle, but people you trust, share confidences with and know are there for you.Rust friends Theyre pals simply because youve known them a long time. (If it had more than that, theyd be must or trust.)Just friends Closer than acquaintances and you may see them regularly with a group, but youre not tight with them and dont have a big shared history.Whats critical here when it comes to emotional intimacy is those must friends. And trust friends are important because they can, with work, be promoted to must friends.First and foremost, you want to work on strengthening those must friendships and devoting more time to them. And you want to evaluate which of your trust friends meet with your know thyself criteria and might be worthy of elevation. Rust and just friends are good for rounding out your social circle but should receive less attention and investment.(To learn more about the types of friends everyone needs, clickhere.)Whats the first step in strengthening those must and trust friends - or finding totally new ones?4) Be proactiveYoure going to need to do some legwork. You need to be proactive and initiate contact.And you need to makeconcreteplans. I live in Los Angeles and in this city saying, We should get together sometime is pretty much synonymous with, I have no intention of ever seeing you again.Specify places and times or your friendships will be determined by serendipity, which is the euphemism lazy people use for dumb luck.The optimistic angle here is that if youre being passive you can pretty much be certain other people are being passive too. So if you lead, some will follow. Organize a group, throw a party, or just invite a friend to coffee.And what should you look for when meeting new folks who might become future must or trust friends? All the research agreessimilarityis key. Not only does it draw us to people, it also makes friendships more likely to last.FromBuddy SystemSimilarities also occur when tastes and interests match up, and similarities make friendships easier to maintain. And, unless you are interested in hanging out with people who make you feel bad about yourself (not a good interest to have), finding someone who conveys that you are likeable to them will be very reinforcing to your se lf-esteem.Beyond similarity, you should also look forpeople you want to learn something from. Since youtook the time to sit down and know thyself, think about the person you want to be. Your best self.Who do you want to rub off on you? To make you a better spouse, parent, worker or human being?(To learn more about how to make friends as an adult, clickhere.)Okay, you know what you want, youre making time, and youre proactive. So whats therealkey to developing emotional intimacy with your friends?5) CommunicationYeah, you hear communicating is vital constantly from experts but few ever break it down so you know how to actually do it. (These experts must not be good communicators.)You want to focus on four primary elementscreating safety, vulnerability, emotional expressiveness, and active listening.Creating safety Is my friend going to feel comfortable opening up to me? Am I being too judgmental? Or, at the opposite extreme, too nosy and pushy?Vulnerability Are you sharing personal t houghts and feelings with them? Reciprocity is powerful and this is vital to helping both of you. Quick litmus test are you scared to talk about the subject? Then youre being vulnerable.Emotional expressiveness Dont just talk thoughts. Talk feelings. Yours and theirs. (Guys, if youre recoiling at this, youre proving the point that you need to work on it.)Active listening Good listeners dont just hear they make the other person feel heard. Nod, acknowledge, and summarize what your friend said for confirmation. As former FBI hostage negotiatorChris Vossadvises, if they respond Exactly - youre doing it right.Women are much better at this than men. They spend more time communicating and focus more on emotional support.FromBuddy SystemWhen asked the question concerning what they did with their friends, giving emotional support also was more common for women than for men.Much of male communication is teasing the other guy (which, taken too far, is the opposite of safety.) Men feel being vulnerable is theworstthing they can do (and to be fair, the cultural ideal of the strong, silent type and phrases like man up arent helping any.) Males are taught not to be expressive. And guys tend to focus on problem-solving instead of listening during conversations.FromBreaking the Male Code Unlocking the Power of FriendshipWe have found in our Friendship Labs that men are often willing to trade zingers and even enjoy mutual sparring, but only in limited doses. And while most will put up with it, they definitely will not open up when its coming at them.That said, women face challenges here too. Because they are taught to put others at ease and say supportive things, the issue of trust can become a problem Does she really mean what shes saying, or is she just being nice?FromBuddy SystemSociologist Lillian Rubin cites one woman as saying that, because women are so expressive and afraid of hurting someones feelings, compliments are never assumed to be true. How can I believe she me ans I look good when she says it automatically, every time I see her?The solution for both sexes is, you guessed it, more and deeper communication. Doing the things necessary to make the other person feel safe - and then vulnerably discussing tough subjects gently and respectfully.(To learn more about how to handle the most difficult of conversations, clickhere.)So you have the tools to build emotional intimacy. But once you have it, how do you keep a solid friendship alive?6) UpkeepFriendships require upkeep, like a plant. Yes, some friends are succulents that require little watering but youre probably forgetting all the ones that turned brown and ended up in the trash.You need to stay in regular contact. Research shows for solid friendships,every 2 weeksis the minimum.In general, women are much better at this than men.FromBuddy SystemWomen maintain friendships largely through communication and staying in frequent contact In contrast, only 10% of the men maintained friendships thr ough frequent contactBut ladies face problems as well. Due to the amount of communication and openness, women are more likely to damage their friendships than men.Survey results show women were more likely to say they lost a friend because of something they said or did (65% vs 50% for men.)That said, women are more likely to make efforts to repair damaged friendships, while men are more likely to let the relationship dissolve.So women might want to put more effort in to not getting offended. And given how difficult it can be for men to make must friends, they should learn from the ladies and make more attempts to fix a troubled friendship rather than just moving on.(To learn how neuroscience can teach you to be more emotionally intelligent, clickhere.)Alright, weve learned a lot. Time to round it all up and see how all this leads to a more meaningful lifeSum upThis is how to make emotionally intelligent friendshipsKnow thyself To get the friendships you want, you have to know what y ou want.Make time More accurately, make it a priority. We all waste time. So, uh, just dont waste time alone.Must, Trust, Rust, Just The first two are key. Strengthen the must and try to elevate the trust.Be proactive In case you need confirmation, waiting for the phone to ring does not, in fact, make the phone ring.Communication Create safety, be vulnerable, be emotionally expressive and use active listening. And a sincere compliment never hurt either, beautiful.Upkeep Youre not too busy to send a text message every two weeks. If you think youll forget, put it in your calendar.Researchshows your friends often know you better than you know yourself. So not only does being closer to friends make your life better, its also the path to getting to know yourself better.So do what it takes to improve your relationships with friends and youll also improve the one relationship thats key to happiness in lifeThe one you have with yourself.Join more than 320,000 readers.Get a free weekly updat e via emailhere.This article first appeared at Barking Up the Wrong Tree.You might also enjoyNew neuroscience reveals 4 rituals that will make you happyStrangers know your social class in the first seven words you say, study finds10 lessons from Benjamin Franklins daily schedule that will double your productivityThe worst mistakes you can make in an interview, according to 12 CEOs10 habits of mentally strong people

5 Job-search Steps to Shorten the Hunt

5 Job-search Steps to Shorten the Hunt5 Job-search Steps to Shorten the Hunt5 Job-search Steps to Shorten the HuntSpeed up your job search.Youd be hard pressed to find anyone who actually enjoys looking and applying for jobs. The process isnt necessarily enjoyable, but at the very least, you can make it as short as possible. Whether youve just started your job search or youve passively been on the hunt for some time now, here are the five most crucial job-search tips to help you take control of the process and make the best use of your time.1. Define what youre looking for in your next roleSpend a few hours combing through online listings and youre guaranteed to find lots of jobs that you could feasibly do. But between tweaking your resume, finding a hiring managers email address, writing a cover letter, and sending follow-ups, you could easily spend hours on just one role even one that might not necessarily be a great fit.You wouldnt spend time at work investing in a project with l ittle-to-no ROI, so instead, reinvest a few hours of your time asking yourself a few important questions Whats the title I want next? What types of projects do I want to tackle? What are my non-negotiables?Just remember You wont find the right job for you if you dont know what you really want, and you could waste a lot of time in the process if you dont figure it out stat.2. Write your elevator pitchOnce you know what you want, its time to tailor your elevator pitch to emphasize what exactly about your background makes you the right candidate. This should be a few short, digestible sentences preferably no more than three (take into consideration the amount of time youd actually spend on an elevator ride). Use them to highlight your most relevant accomplishments so clearly that even a complete stranger could understand.With your well-rehearsed elevator pitch on hand, youll be well-prepared for both networking events and the first question any recruiter or hiring manager is going to have for you Tell me about yourselfRelated5 Tips for Delivering the Perfect Elevator Pitch3. Purchase a professional resume rewriteBefore you even consider applying to a single job, youll need to be armed with an updated resume that accurately and effectively reflects your experience. Of all the job-search tips here, this is the only one that can be easily outsourced to experienced professionals and will make sure youre positioned for the dream job scenario you envisioned in Step One.Aside from the fact that writing a resume on your own can come with a lot of costly and time-consuming mistakes, purchasing a professional resume rewrite will allow you to spend your time where it really matters.4. Set achievable goalsIts easy when youre unemployed to believe that every waking moment should be spent on applications, networking, and phone calls. The honest truth is that most of us arent productive even three hours per day, and the job search is not the time to start setting world product ivity records. Determine what times of day youre most productive and buckle down during those hours. Then create manageable to-do lists for your application-related tasks.Setting unrealistic goals for your job search will only disappoint you and make the process feel a lot longer than it needs to be.5. Get your network togetherStudies have found that up to 85 percent of all jobs are filled via networking. No matter where you are in your career, youve established a circle of people who can be instrumental in helping you find your next job. Updating your LinkedIn profile and adding all of your current and former colleagues is an easy way to expand your reach of opportunities.And dont be afraid to think outside of the box Former clients, neighbors, friends of friends, and local business owners you know can all hold valuable insight and resources. Find connections at companies that interest you (whether or not they are advertising for open roles) and make a plan for who to reach out to where and when.Now that youve got an idea of what you want, an elevator pitch for presenting it, and a top-tier resume to showcase your experience, you have everything you need to maximize your outreach and have productive conversations. Youll find success in your job search before you know itClick on the following link for more job-search advice.Take the first step to shortening your job search today. Purchase your professional rewrite here.Recommended ReadingLinkedIn Networking How to Cultivate Meaningful Connections OnlineSigns You Need a Professional Resume Review7 Professional Networking Tips and Tricks for a Successful Job Search

New Ideas Into Writng Resumes Never Before Revealed

New Ideas Into Writng Resumes Never Before Revealed The Appeal of Writng Resumes Utilizing a custom resume instead of a generic one is going to greatly increase your probability of an interview, as youll be a better match in the view of the reader. Taking the opportunity to work on your resume is critical. Everyone can say he or she excelled at their final job. Locating a new job isnt just about the current moment. Your CV is not going to get you the job but if done well, should provide you at the very least a foot in the door. The work description should provide you a sensible idea. It is preferable to earn a superior investigation of the business you applied to, a very good CV ought to be well structured for a certain job and business. If you are able to explain the way that it will benefit his company, and to connect it to tangible outcomes, then youll greatly enhance your chances. Clearly state what schrift of a job that you need and know what skill-set and experience is necessary to succeed in that job. Even in case youve never held an official job, its still true that you have life experience thats applicable to the work search. Whether you are searching for your very first job or attempting to earn a career change, the method starts with your resume. In terms of technical jargon, do not presume that the employer will understand what you are speaking about. Your resume writer will request that you send them links to any roles you desire to submit an application for. If youre trying hard to think of any, you can attempt utilizing the job descriptions of ads in your industry, along with looking at LinkedIn profiles of folks working in similar roles. Other than that, putting all your information in 1 place provides you with a handy reference to be sure that each resume you write has all of the info you wish to disclose to prospective employers. As a way to make sure an excellent and more professional CV for better chances, its critical to se ek advice from the assistance or services of the ideal CV writing agent if at all possible. If youre sending a resume to a company, it ought to be a given that youre obtainable for an interview and you will provide references if requested. By doing this youre able cover letter for computer programmer make a great first impression to the prospective employer. Your resume will supply the particulars of your professional experience. A common cover letter should include your name, emaille and telephone number at the peak of the webpage. Your resume design needs to be clean, easy-to-read and ought to draw attention to key details. Check the site of the company for more info about and then you would know what things to include in the CV. Try to learn if theres any particular information they require in the CV. Too many resumes center on job responsibilities, but describing achievements is considerably more powerful. Resume writing has students imagine an extremely specific audi ence usually a possible employer and reinforces the significance of writing for a true audience. A CV for a new Ph.D. graduate will probably be about 3-5 pages. Dont forget that recruiters may see the name of the file that you send them and also dont forget they get lots of resumes each and every day. As soon as its only a page or two in length, a resume is among the most important elements of a work application. Analyzed GUI procedure flows to increase navigability and usability. Lets walk through three unique resumes for different sorts of post-college jobs. The 30-Second Trick for Writng Resumes If you mention the businesss name, make sure you receive it right. When you have written and organized your information according to the kind of resume youve chosen, make certain to format it according to typical professional standards. You also only have one page to capture all the attributes you wish to share. Nonetheless, there are 3 primary elements which each prosperous pe rsonal resume statement should incorporate. The Secret to Writng Resumes English is now a global language. Language skills are sometimes a fantastic selling point on your resume. Maybe the abilities and references may be included. Its also wise to tailor your resume to demonstrate the way your work experience specifically meets the requirements of the job which youre applying for. Attempt to comprehend the market of the organization you are asking for work, and identify what type of difficulties they could be going through. Choosing which to use depends upon the kind of job which you are applying for and your degree of experience. Do not consider anything else, especially the job youre applying for. Why Almost Everything Youve Learned About Writng Resumes Is Wrong Most experts concur that the previous 15 decades of your career are enough. Lots of people dont like their present job or career. Give a concise career overview, which ought to mention the quantity of time y ouve spent in coaching or associated activities (as a sports player or teacher, for example). For instance, if your education history isnt specifically linked to the job, put it toward the conclusion of your resume, behind the info thats linked to the job. Its also important to think about the type of work you genuinely are interested in being hired to do. One of the greatest methods to tackle any daunting writing project resumes included is to begin with a little step. Your resume focus needs to be consistent throughout. If you need assistance with something and we dont list it, please speak to us.

How Fast is Your Company Website #Infographic - Spark Hire

How Fast is Your Company Website Infographic - Spark HireJust yesterday we touched on what the candidate experience is and why it should matter to you and your company. Presenting a poor candidate experience can really hurt your company and the kind of talent it recruits. Having a great candidate experience can increase your talent pool and make your companys overall reputation much more positive. The candidate experience starts right from when a candidate starts their job search with your company all the way to their training once you offer the job. Clearly your company website is part of that candidate experience and if you have a poor company website then youre candidate are probably getting a poor candidate experience as well.Why? Because slow or poor websites actually stress people out Take a look at the infographic below from Visual.ly and Strange Loop and see how a brain reacts to a slow or poorly designed website.Taking a look at the statistics on the infographic, you can see that 57 percent of online consumers will abandon a slow webpage after three seconds. Phew Thats a very short amount of time when you think of three seconds, but how many times have you clicked on a link and waited too long for its overly crowded site to load? If youre like most people, well literally more than half, youll ditch the site and move on to something bigger and better- or faster. Furthermore, we have to concentrate 50 percent harder when using a slow website.It seems a bit petty to say that a slow website just cant make it in todays online world but clearly, as the infographic shows, its true. If 78 percent of users feel stress or anger when navigating a slow site, then you need to be aya that your company website is up-to-par. Not doing so may result in top candidates and top job seekers ditching your company right from the beginning due to a poor candidate experience. Ouch. Think of how much talent you are missing out on if your company website is slow. So take a look at the infographic and be sure your company website is up-to-par and far from slow.